Well, had a pretty good week last week, despite going over alot in the handbook and in therapy.
This week, however, is a whole nother story.
So yesterday, Mike heard me purging. I personally didn't think anything of it; I mean, he seemed upset, but I just figured it was because he knew I purged, just had been awhile since he actually heard it.
Nope; turns out he had NEVER heard me purging before yesterday. It hit him really, really hard, too. Once I found this out, I felt SO horrible. As if there wasn't already enough guilt that comes with purging, there was this to deal with.
This week so far has been horrible, with not sleeping, alot of headaches, being exhausted all the time. And this is the week I get to finally make my loss graph, of all the losses I've had (moves, breakups, jobs, relationships) everything that's happened over the course of my entire life.
In a way, I'm not looking forward to seeing everything down on paper, but.....in a way, I AM looking forward to it, BECAUSE it will be all down on paper. It will kind of get it all out of my head, at least temporarily. And I think that might be a really good thing for me, cause it feels like all I've been focused on these past two weeks is the losses themselves. Not knowing yet how to go about moving past them, it's easy to just focus on the loss itself. I will be very happy when the healing can really begin.
I agree that listin your losses can help you let go. In my experience of thinking of many things I want/need to do the next day, writing a to do list before bed saves me hours of sleepless tossing and turning. Also when I see the list, the tasks seem more manageable in less than a day. I know you're talking losses, not tasks, but writing just about anything down clarifies what may seem overwhelming in my head.
ReplyDeleteAgreed. I'm going to actually start the graph this evening, I think.
ReplyDeleteI've gone over alot of it in my head in the last few days to prepare myself, time to get it done. That'll give me a few days til my session on Tuesday to work through some of it.